I took a walk around my neighborhood early this morning. It was before 7:00am, so I was surprised to find a neighbor in a backyard that didn’t belong to him. He took a big gulp of an energy drink and waved at me. Puzzled for a minute, wondering if I had the wrong guy assigned to the wrong house, I continued walking. Then I saw the fence half down. Aha! Today is the day that a few neighbors are getting together to fix a fence that has been falling down between their houses for years.
I kept walking, a sense of warmth about my neighborhood flooding my system. When I see neighbors working together and trusting each other, instead of fighting over something like a fence, it warms my heart. And it bolsters my faith in what is possible when we build trust with the people who live closest to us.
I learned about this fence-mending adventure a few weeks ago. One of the men is a widower who is just becoming retirement age. He was considering moving but wasn’t sure what to do about his fence. Should he hire it done? Move, take the financial hit, and leave it to the new owners to work out? He wasn’t sure. Until he had a conversation with his neighbors. As he told me about the fence, I could sense the relief he felt. He explained that they would work together, which made the effort and cost something he could handle.
Pew Research: How Connected Do Americans Feel to Their Neighbors?
As I continued walking, I was reminded of the Pew Research Report: Americans Trust in One Another released last year. Overall, knowing your neighbors and trusting your neighbors is down. Currently, only 26% of people say they know all or most of their neighbors. That’s down 5% from 2018. Only 44% say they trust most of the people in their neighborhood. And, as you might have guessed, that is also down, from 52% in 2018.
Some groups are more likely to be trusting than others. The research shows that is related to sameness. People trust their neighbors more if they are the same as them.
Sameness in Neighboring
When I heard the Pew Research presented, I felt disheartened that trust in our neighbors is related to the notion that we are the same. Why? Because I believe in crossing lines of difference. I also generally consider it a weakness that our neighborhoods are built for sameness, often dictated by developer contracts and zoning laws. So, I was discouraged that those seemed to be contributing factors to building trust in neighborhoods. It felt like a little bit of a gut punch. I don’t want to live in a neighborhood where everyone is the same. But, on the other hand, I do want to live in a neighborhood that is trusting. Do I really have to choose?
The answer is no. You don’t.
Sameness and Neighborhood Trust
After I heard about the initial research, I listened to an interview with two of the key researchers on the project. One of them shared an important insight: sameness is a perception.
As I considered this, I thought about my own life. I look like a lot of my neighbors, and my house looks like a lot of theirs. In some ways, we fit the stereotype of sameness.
But I’m not like them in many other ways. I grew up on a ranch. My husband has a different ethnic background and grew up in a different country. My children don’t look like many of the neighborhood kids. I don’t share all their beliefs.
But those are just a few traits about my life. I was a teacher, like a couple of our neighbors. My husband is an engineer, like a few others. Some have traveled to my husband’s home country. Some have moved from other states, like me.
As I considered these things, I realized that sameness and differences are often a perception. We don’t have to choose sameness and trust. We can get to know our neighbors and, through that, we will find commonalities that lead to trust.
As I began to learn more about these neighbors, the things that felt different began to take a back seat. Sameness in areas other than looks and houses began to emerge, and trust followed.
How to Build Trust in a Neighborhood
There are many ways to build trust with people, especially neighbors. Here are three things that everyone can do:
- Be present. Be attentive and listen well. Spend time outside your home. Find ways to meet people. Remember their names and ask them questions to learn more about them.
- Ask for help. Pew Research found that 76% of neighbors say they would bring in the mail or water plants for their out-of-town neighbors. 67% say they would bring a meal to a sick neighbor. But only 53% say they have a neighbor who would bring in the mail for them, and only 42% say a neighbor would bring them a meal. The research points out that if you ask for help, many people are willing to give it. Once they do, trust builds and they begin to believe that they would receive help as well.
- Celebrate. Trust is built through time and shared experiences. Celebrations, like National Good Neighbor Day, are a good way to bring neighbors together and lift up behaviors we want to replicate. You can also celebrate birthdays, the end of the school year, and any other fun milestone you can think of!
Why Does Trust Matter?
Trust in others plays a significant role in our wellbeing. People who trust others report greater satisfaction with their health, their families, and their lives in general. They also report being happier, which probably isn’t very surprising. They have greater trust in institutions and tend to be more aware of what’s going on around them as they get information from friends and family.
But it doesn’t just matter in the abstract. It matters in the day-to-day life of people. Back in my neighborhood, today is the day three neighbors got together to rebuild a fence. A regular task on a regular day… maybe. Or maybe it’s something much more. A fence is repaired, but so are relationships. Three neighbors leave knowing each other a little better, trusting each other a little more. And that’s how stronger neighborhoods are built—not all at once, but one ordinary day, one shared project, one neighbor at a time.
Read more about Trust Building in Communities:
How Trust Is Built in Our Communities: What the 2024 Survey Taught Us
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