Why I Started a Supper Club

I wish I could tell you Supper Club was my idea; it wasn’t.

The idea came from a nineteen-year-old intern. She was spending the semester earning sociology credit with my nonprofit. Ever feel stuck? Wanting for ideas? Consider hiring a nineteen-year-old.

I was watching the same pattern happen over and over again – a person experiencing homelessness would get their “big break.” They’d reach the top of the waiting list and be moved into what we call “permanent supportive housing.”

Permanent supportive housing is considered by many to be the proverbial finish line of homelessness. A monthly voucher pays for the vast majority of your rent. Staff are onsite to help you navigate the robust yet confounding array of services available to very low-income people in this country. AND, it is lonely. Incredibly lonely.

Putting a roof over the head of someone who’s experienced societal rejection for most of his or her life is a beautiful act of compassion. It can also, ironically, drive them even deeper into isolation. Doors lock, for better or for worse.

So I asked my nineteen-year-old intern, “What do we do about this?”

I don’t even think a whole second passed before she replied, “Well, I can think of something…”

“Uh-huh!!” I said with perceptible impatience.

“I grew up in a really small church,” she said. “When I was ten, we decided as a community that we would start hosting dinner every week in ‘the projects’ of our city. So that’s what we did.”

She went on to describe how her community did this for a decade. How women in the housing complex found salaried jobs through the people who would come visit. She described how the group banded together to pay for the cancer treatment of one of the residents. And how that resident – a mother of three – is now cancer-free. We had our fresh idea.

Starting a Supper Club

So in April of 2024, we started hosting “Supper Club” at one of the permanent supportive housing properties in our town. Back in the day, Supper Clubs were “small, expensive places where people can go at night to eat, drink, and dance” according to the Cambridge Dictionary. Ours is a little different. Every other week, five volunteers (called “companions”) come together with ten or so of the residents to share dinner together. We change up the menu each time, eat with real silverware off of real ceramic plates, and share the latest happenings from our lives. Sometimes we play bingo.

On the night of our “one year anniversary” – somewhere in between the pulled pork sandwiches and the carrot cake – I decided it might be nice to open up some time for people to reflect on what Supper Club has meant to them.

One of the residents stood up to share, “I’ve been living here for five years. Before we started doing this, I didn’t know anyone here except the property manager. Now I have actual neighbors.” Another stood up. “In my twenties, I lived on this commune in Kaui. We ate dinner together every night and chanted in a drum circle until the sun went down. This is kind of like that.”

Honestly, compliments don’t come any better.

“Social isolation” has such an intimidating ring to it when you consider it on a societal scale. When you consider social isolation around a table, though, it feels a little more manageable. You soon realize it affects all of us; not just the supposed “beneficiaries” of our efforts. We all overcome loneliness, it turns out, one dinner at a time.

3 Simple Steps to Start Your Own Supper Club

If you’re wondering what starting something like this in your neighborhood could look like, here are three simple steps to get you started:

Gather a small group of friends – four or five people should do, as long as you’re all dedicated enough to take on a role. We have someone who shops for supplies, someone who enjoys cooking, and someone who communicates with the property manager. Which gets to the second step!

Connect with your local housing authority – almost every city in America has an organization that builds and/or provides affordable housing. These organizations are typically underfunded and under-programmed. Send a reach-out email with a brief description of what you’d like to do. Example: “We like hosting dinners, and we’d like to host a dinner for some of your residents on a regular basis.” (Something like that.)

Set a date and show up – You don’t need to overthink or over-plan this. What has made Supper Club so worthwhile for us is the spontaneity of it. Bring a question for the dinner table (I like “What’s one thing you liked about the place you grew up?”), but, beyond that, just be present and watch what happens.

Supper Clubs were once known for their exclusivity, prestige, and privacy. It was hard to get into one. You had to know somebody. By now you’ve caught on: we’re flipping that idea on its head. No prerequisites. No secret passcode. The only ask is that a person has to come open to the possibility of making a new friend. These days, we could all use a little more of that.