Part of my neighboring life includes visiting friends in the assisted-living facility, adding a trip to Costco for a sick friend, or taking an injured neighbor to her physical therapy appointments. As a mom, I have learned how to do this with kids in tow. I am well-versed in the childhood complaints that sometimes overshadow the quiet delights of this work. While I value incorporating my growing children into the rhythms of caring for neighbor and neighborhood, sometimes this kind of neighboring translates into “another chore” or “one more errand.” In these neighboring moments, my daughters usually experience more waiting around than playing, more traffic to navigate than playgrounds to climb, more inconvenience than pleasure.
The Art of Persuasion
I recently signed up on Mealtrain.com to make a dinner and to take my neighbor to her weekly physical therapy appointment (she can’t drive due to her injury, which requires intense rehabilitation). After signing up for the time slot, I realized that this would be at a time when all three of my daughters would be home from school. I wanted them to join me even though I anticipated their resistance: “Can I stay home?” “Why can’t you do that when I’m at my friend’s house?” “I hate waiting around.”
There are simple joys and deep connections that come in neighboring in these small ways, and I want my kids to know them. I value inviting my children into everyday mysteries, even if these same tasks sometimes include inconvenience and boredom. And I want their memories to be marked by joy and connection rather than a growing resentment for being dragged into “mom’s hobby of neighboring.”
Queens for a Day
In raising children to be Hopeful Neighbors, I search for the invitation to play that is often embedded into the work of neighboring. Sometimes this requires an imagination and improvisational creativity. Sometimes it means transforming the ordinary chores of the day into magical moments. On this occasion, “Tuesday Neighbor PT appointment” was transformed into “Royal Treatment Tuesday.”
The day started when I took a bowlful of rose petals and tossed them over my daughters’ heads as they sleepily emerged from their bedrooms. Then I sent them back to bed with the promise of “breakfast in bed” (read: Cheerios minus the milk).
Her Chariot Awaits
After their lavish welcome to Royal Treatment Tuesday, they were tasked with making a “nature crown” out of the ivy and flowers in our backyard. This crown would adorn our neighbor’s head as we drove her to her PT appointment. The rose petals from earlier in the morning were repurposed to decorate the car’s passenger seat.
When we picked up our neighbor Kate to drive her to her PT appointment, we let her know that it was “Royal Treatment Tuesday.” She was going to be receiving royal treatment during this 15-minute drive to PT. The trip was marked by conversation about childhood memories and lots of laughter.
Good Things Come to Those who Wait
During the appointment, we waited in a neighborhood park with our picnic lunches. I re-branded the hour of waiting as “undercover royalty dining” where we would eat incognito on park benches. They rolled their eyes at the babyish reference. But then immediately ran off, playing together amongst the gardens and playground equipment. I rested like a queen.
An hour later, we returned to the PT office to pick up our guest of honor. Then we drove home listening to a playlist curated by my music-loving daughter. We sent Kate away with dinner in hand and crown on head. And my daughters were given a few hours enjoying the rhythms of life spent in connection with others.
Need other ideas for how to engage kids in neighboring? Check out these blog posts:
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